


Burden: Marianne Von Edmund

by Vanfell



Series: The Golden Deer: Introspection [1]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Emotional Baggage, Gen, Memories, Mental Health Issues, Other, Post-Time Skip, Sad with a Happy Ending, Self-Doubt, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-12-27 05:20:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21113336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vanfell/pseuds/Vanfell
Summary: Marianne Von Edmund has a bad day...





	Burden: Marianne Von Edmund

There was no rain. Marianne thought that these occasions usually had rain. Perhaps she was such a burden that not even the rain wished to perform it’s usual duties. Well, at least there wouldn’t be the matter of drying her out when it was done. In that sense, she wouldn’t be a burden anymore. Little else would be heard in the Von Edmund halls beside footsteps, a tired sigh, and the shutting of a door. 

Marianne kept her room as tidy as she could. It was difficult to maintain when she found it difficult to maintain herself. Material issues fell to the wayside when it was a struggle to simply pull herself out of bed to face another day. How could she find the energy to stack her books, when she barely had the energy to move? How could she keep all those military reports together, when she barely had the will to read them? All over the floor, some under her bed, others littered across a messy desk. The centre had her handicraft all ready. It would be quick, simple, and easy. But Marianne couldn’t bring herself to simply do it. Something tugged at the back of her head. 

Perhaps it was memories of school that pulled her back. All the conversations, the tea, the adventures, the battles, all that mad chaos. Claude and his schemes, Hilda and her fashion, Ignatz and his painting, Lorenz and his… well. Lorenz. But perhaps she was wrong. She recalled how people went out of their way to talk to her as she would never dare to initiate. Always the one invited to tea, and never the one inviting. Adventures? If she recalled, she had always been the one tugged into them. Battle wasn’t something impressive either. Marianne had always been protected, shielded, and kept away from the front-line. Other people did the work while she merely kept them healthy. That had been the least a burden like her could do, lest she turn into the anchor that sunk them all... 

Hilda. Perhaps it was Hilda that had pulled her back. Her best friend back at the monastery. Always sorting out any tears in her uniform and giving her the best accessories she could. Marianne remembered their late night talks about boys that seemed to go nowhere, the two of them just trying to beat the heat. She’d never really cared about the boys when they talked, only about Hilda. There had been that time they’d tried to fix the infirmary. It hadn’t ended all that well, but they still laughed about it to this day. Or shedid. Marianne didn’t see Hilda anymore. Her friend was too busy protecting the throat and she didn’t dare consider bringing her down. Maybe that’s what she’d been doing all along. Perhaps Hilda had wanted to talk to Leonie but she would have to do instead. Perhaps she made all those accessories because she hated to look at her normally. Fixing the uniform because of course she couldn’t fix it herself… Perhaps it wasn’t Hilda who had drawn her back. How foolish of her to think it had been. 

The wind was blowing. Letters spilled from her desk to the floor, the contents fluttering free as well. All from Claude, every single last one of them. If wasn’t such a bother she’d have moved them away, hidden them away. Wind fit him perfectly, though. Always blowing and blowing strong. Claude had been… fun. His smile always brightened her day, even if it wasn’t full. His little speeches to her as well and all of his silly little antics. He’d even tried to help her shift the burden. None of that had been required of him. Nor had it been required for him to carry her to her dorm after he found her sobbing in the stables. Or to just sit there with her when the world didn’t make sense and it was all going to swallow her up. But. He was a leader in the making. He had been their house leader. Tightness burnt in her throat, eyes squeezing shut. Of course he had to do all of that, it was his duty. His obligation. Claude hadn’t cared in particular, why would he? Had it been Leonie he would have done the same. The wind doesn’t care who it blows by…

Marianne didn’t know how long she had shut her eyes for. Dried tears stained her cheeks when she finally opened them, fingers fluttering up to try and rub them away. There wasn’t much hope. A small, red rose fluttered in its vase. Lorenz. Out of all of her former peers, he was the one who visited her still. It wasn’t that the others didn’t care. They simply couldn’t find the time. Lorenz however went out of his way to do so. Perhaps he would sail in today, offer her tea and biscuits, help her make sense of it all. What she had once seen as overbearing and intimidating, she now yearned for. That was selfish of her, she knew. Not fair on Lorenz. Not when he had a house to help run, not when he had the pressure of heirdom. Perhaps she had been selfish to him when they were still at school. Making him waste all his time on her by merely existing. Her fingers brushed against the rose… and she stepped away. To the centre of the room. It was time to end the whole thing. Enough memories haunting her and trying to lead her astray. Everything had an end, and hers happened to be a sunny afternoon in a room full of empty stories. 

Still. Even as she stepped onto the stool and even as she started forward… Marianne couldn’t bring herself to do so. Cowardice till the end. That was the reason and she knew it to be true. It didn’t matter what Lorenz, Claude, Hilda, or the Professor had said… the Professor. Always so kind, even if her gaze was a little vacant. Stoic, brave, strong and totally scatter-brained. Excellent with ballistas, tactics, and terrible with small-talk. The Professor had been the one to find her when she’d gone missing, that night when she stole away to the lake. The Professor had sat with her all night in silence. There had been the occasional exchange about the stars perhaps, or the water… but simple silence. And then right at the end as the sun dawned. A small glance. Their strained attempt at a smile which Marianne couldn’t help but giggle at. 

“Marianne. Don’t ever think you’re bringing us down.” A pause as she could tell the Professor had been struggling to find something poetic at the time. Quite a long pause at that. Indeed the Professor had found nothing but a simple grasping of her hands, a nod, and another strained smile. “A world without Marianne… is a world without a star.”

It wouldn’t happen today. The rope in the centre of the room fell to the floor as Marianne tugged it free. Her throat hurt as she swallowed, eyes were stained red, but it wouldn’t be the end here. Marianne had to see everyone again, at least once. And then it would be just one more time. Just one more time until it wasn’t. Then she’d be free. Her burden wasn’t gone... but it was lighter. She sure hoped to see the Professor soon...


End file.
